The idea of a shared Asian American identity has been fraught (*) for about as long as it has existed.

How can one term encapsulate the experiences of people with very different ties to dozens of countries? What shared interests bind refugees struggling to make a home in a new land with people whose families have lived in the United States for generations?

During the coronavirus pandemic, though, fear and pain have acted as grim unifying forces. A surge of violence and harassment targeting Asian Americans has shown that America’s long history (**) of treating people of Asian descent as foreigners whose belonging is contingent — on labor, on cultural assimilation, on perceived success — is far from a relic.

Still, when we asked people to tell us how it feels to be Asian American right now, many said that the past year and a half has been clarifying in other ways. The responses, which have been condensed and edited, came from Asian Americans across the country and from a variety of backgrounds.

We asked respondents what terms they use to identify themselves. In some cases, full names and ages have been withheld because of safety and privacy concerns.

Many said they felt newly visible — vulnerable, but also more keenly aware of how they’re seen. Some said they felt compelled to speak out against both anti-Asian discrimination and against other forms of racism in their communities.

Some said they yearned to gain access to an American dream without the burden of prejudice, that they wished simply to blend in. Others said they were embracing their Asian heritage after years of feeling like it made them somehow less American.

“Now, what’s embarrassing is that I ever felt that shame about my family’s roots,” Jenny Wu Donahue, 33, told us.

Together, the more than two dozen reflections shown here reveal a range of views and complicated emotions being felt in Asian American communities today. Share your experience in the comments.

Being Asian means...

starting to cleanse away my self-hate and shame and learning that white supremacy is the enemy, not myself.

Yue Xiang, 27, Chinese American, Philadelphia

Introduction by Jill Cowan. Illustrations by Sally Deng.